Showing posts with label AdviceForNons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label AdviceForNons. Show all posts
Sunday, December 20, 2015
For Those Who Have Stayed By Erin Marshall @ TWLOHA
"I will be the first to admit that I am not easy to spend time with.It’s
exhausting and frustrating for me, and I imagine it is equally as
frustrating for you.I become irritable at the drop of a hat.I’m
controlling. It sucks having incredibly limited control of my mind and
the physical manifestations of my anxiety. To compensate, I crave
whatever control I can get. Staying on schedule and having a routine is
important because it provides me with something that I can count on.I
may present as clingy or dependent to some of you, requesting your
constant presence while going to the grocery store or the post office.
Please know this is because I trust you to help me tackle a task that
seems too daunting to do on my own. I apologize too often, convinced
that even the simplest inconveniences are my fault. Please don’t get
annoyed.I’m indecisive to the extreme. The fear of making the wrong
decision means that the odds of ever getting a straightforward answer
from me are likely zero. Please, if making me choose, at least limit it
to two choices.I believe that everyone who puts up with me secretly
hates me or finds me annoying. Please don’t take offense. I have the
tendency to push people away. I often passive aggressively vocalize and
push my frustrations with limitations onto those around me who are
living a ‘normal’ life. It’s merely an expression of jealousy of the
freedom you have. It has nothing to do with you. It is a poor coping
mechanism that I unfortunately use to conceal what I consider to be a
personal weakness. Please don’t take it personally.
See more @ TWLOHA
See more @ TWLOHA
Monday, December 14, 2015
Monday, November 9, 2015
Being Broken Archives - Deviance & Desire @ BDSM in the mind
Feel broken? BDSM is a great way to overcome these feelings and feel worthy and in power
Being Broken Archives - Deviance & Desire @ BDSM in the mind
Being Broken Archives - Deviance & Desire @ BDSM in the mind
Borderline Personality Disorder Archives - Deviance & Desire @ BDSM In the Mind
Has numerous tips and articles regarding BPD and BDSM or if a partner has BPD and you want to add some BDSM to the relationship
Posts in category : Borderline Personality Disorder
Posts in category : Borderline Personality Disorder
Monday, September 14, 2015
Sunday, September 6, 2015
Saturday, August 15, 2015
Sunday, August 9, 2015
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Highly sensitive person (HSP)
"A highly sensitive person (HSP) is a person having the innate trait of high sensory processing sensitivity (or innate sensitiveness as Carl Jung originally coined it[). Some common signs are sensitivity to loud noises, bright or fluorescent lights, and strong smells. HSP's often describe themselves as having a rich and complex inner life. They may startle easily and get rattled when required to accomplish a lot in a short time. According to Elaine N. Aron and colleagues as well as other researchers, highly sensitive people, who compose about a fifth of the population (equal numbers in men and women), may process sensory data much more deeply and thoroughly due to a biological difference in their nervous systems. This is a specific trait, with key consequences for how we view people, that in the past has often been confused with innate shyness, social anxiety problems, social inhibition, social phobia and innate fearfulness,and introversion. The trait is measured using the HSP Scale, which has been demonstrated to have both internal and external validity. Although the term is primarily used to describe humans, something similar to the trait is present in over 100 other species"
See more @ Wikipedia
See more @ Wikipedia
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Disappearing Act asked by ImAChristian @ Psych Forums
A user asks "Could someone please tell me what happens during these times when someone with BPD withdraws and cuts off contact without warning? When someone with this disorder comes back as if nothing happens, is it that they don't remember or is it too sensitive or embarassing an issue to bring up? I'm struggling and confused here.. I hope that someone replies. :("
Some notes from the forum..
"An individual suffering the negative side effect's of borderline personality disorder can be quite sensitive/hurt by certain thing's said leading to *triggers* which are a transition from everythings okay to an instant destabilization were everything to that individual has gone to hell, you may get pushed away and even treated badly but the individual suffering with bpd is going through a horrable real life nightmare confused angry depressed enraged - think of a hurting animal even if it's a cat/dog which loves you.. when hurting this loved one may bite you out of pain / say hurtfull things.. that's how I can best explain whats going on soo please be supportive."
"hmm.. i've had blowouts in the past with my famely as well (i'm 23) and like this individual you speak of i'm kind hearted as well, it's like I went from this compassionet sweetheart to the devil screaming angry extremely irritable touchy touchy, you know being in a relationship is problebly really hard for him to do and he leaves i'm sure to try and cool off or cry depressed woundering "why on earth is this happening, why am i like this" thats just a guess but i'm trying to be helpfull. There is a relationship forum on this website ImaChristian and I think you would have better luck getting replys in that forum, if you are depressed i'm sorry that dose suck and hope you find some relief soon."
Credit
Some notes from the forum..
"An individual suffering the negative side effect's of borderline personality disorder can be quite sensitive/hurt by certain thing's said leading to *triggers* which are a transition from everythings okay to an instant destabilization were everything to that individual has gone to hell, you may get pushed away and even treated badly but the individual suffering with bpd is going through a horrable real life nightmare confused angry depressed enraged - think of a hurting animal even if it's a cat/dog which loves you.. when hurting this loved one may bite you out of pain / say hurtfull things.. that's how I can best explain whats going on soo please be supportive."
"hmm.. i've had blowouts in the past with my famely as well (i'm 23) and like this individual you speak of i'm kind hearted as well, it's like I went from this compassionet sweetheart to the devil screaming angry extremely irritable touchy touchy, you know being in a relationship is problebly really hard for him to do and he leaves i'm sure to try and cool off or cry depressed woundering "why on earth is this happening, why am i like this" thats just a guess but i'm trying to be helpfull. There is a relationship forum on this website ImaChristian and I think you would have better luck getting replys in that forum, if you are depressed i'm sorry that dose suck and hope you find some relief soon."
Credit
What is the disappearing act.
"So you're in this relationship and your lover is extremely attentive initially, professes adoration and ever-lasting love, and this feels ever-so-good, and the sex, whoa, is amazing, and you're thinking, I Could Live Like This, and your lover has told you that no one has ever made him/her feel this way before, no one has touched this part of him/her before, and as the song goes,
This May Be an Ever Lasting Love.
I've Finally Found Someone.
And then it disappears. No fights, no drama. No calls. No response.
"I text him. I call him. I leave voicemail. I email. Nada."
There are so many ways to do this, communicate.
"Nothing?"
"Nothing."
There's no such thing as nothing. Nothing is something. We have this phrase, "You can't not communicate. No communication is communication."
From the Life Stinks, department, that's for sure. So unfair. It was so good. Where did it go? Where did he go? She?
It's called the disappearing act, and if you know anything about behavior modification, then you know that some people actually are masters at this thing, modifying the behavior of others to accommodate long absences. They can stretch the rubberband, as we family therapists like to say, like nobody's business. They have an uncanny sense of knowing how long a relationship can linger in nomans land, before sparking it up again, lighting up life, just to disappear again.
Read that post on rubberband, if you haven't already, on emotional distancing and psychological space. Meanwhile, a short if not complete list of where people go when they take an intermission.
(a) back to his/her committed partner, aka, wife/husband
(b) back to life before you, shooting pool, arguing cases, building bridges, whatever a person with a life does
(c) is dating someone else, carrying on more than one relationship at a time.
(d) is getting stoned.
(e) is really angry about something you said, the way you said it - this is probably the most likely one, don't over think this with the other options.
(f) is beginning to see you as much less than perfect, and wants perfect
(g) is doing just fine, actually.
This May Be an Ever Lasting Love.
I've Finally Found Someone.
And then it disappears. No fights, no drama. No calls. No response.
"I text him. I call him. I leave voicemail. I email. Nada."
There are so many ways to do this, communicate.
"Nothing?"
"Nothing."
There's no such thing as nothing. Nothing is something. We have this phrase, "You can't not communicate. No communication is communication."
From the Life Stinks, department, that's for sure. So unfair. It was so good. Where did it go? Where did he go? She?
It's called the disappearing act, and if you know anything about behavior modification, then you know that some people actually are masters at this thing, modifying the behavior of others to accommodate long absences. They can stretch the rubberband, as we family therapists like to say, like nobody's business. They have an uncanny sense of knowing how long a relationship can linger in nomans land, before sparking it up again, lighting up life, just to disappear again.
Read that post on rubberband, if you haven't already, on emotional distancing and psychological space. Meanwhile, a short if not complete list of where people go when they take an intermission.
(a) back to his/her committed partner, aka, wife/husband
(b) back to life before you, shooting pool, arguing cases, building bridges, whatever a person with a life does
(c) is dating someone else, carrying on more than one relationship at a time.
(d) is getting stoned.
(e) is really angry about something you said, the way you said it - this is probably the most likely one, don't over think this with the other options.
(f) is beginning to see you as much less than perfect, and wants perfect
(g) is doing just fine, actually.
What is Rubberband theory
"Rubberband theory is a way of thinking about relationships that has been around for as old as time. If your mother recommended that you play hard to get, she has an intuitive understanding of the psychological process inherent in the theory, a part of it.
Relationships aren't games, however, and there is no need to play games with people. Intimacy can be fun, but frankly, it is psychological work. Just try to make it a game of it. Go for it..
Rubberband theory is discussed in books (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus for one) and on blogs, but is much older than we are, for I learned it at the Center for Family Studies/Family Institute of Chicago a decade before John Gray's publication made all the noise, and we're grateful that he did, by the way. Do read his book about planets.
The theory here, the one that I learned, is that
(a) people need people, most of us do
(b) we also need individual space, uninterrupted psychological space in which to think, to live our lives; time to be creative, to work and to relax, all by ourselves
(c) most relationships start somehow and succeed when the needs of two people for psychological space match.
This often explains why parents tend to suffocate teenagers when they breathe within close proximity. A physics major might explain it better, but the needs just don't match......
Relationships aren't games, however, and there is no need to play games with people. Intimacy can be fun, but frankly, it is psychological work. Just try to make it a game of it. Go for it..
Rubberband theory is discussed in books (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus for one) and on blogs, but is much older than we are, for I learned it at the Center for Family Studies/Family Institute of Chicago a decade before John Gray's publication made all the noise, and we're grateful that he did, by the way. Do read his book about planets.
The theory here, the one that I learned, is that
(a) people need people, most of us do
(b) we also need individual space, uninterrupted psychological space in which to think, to live our lives; time to be creative, to work and to relax, all by ourselves
(c) most relationships start somehow and succeed when the needs of two people for psychological space match.
This often explains why parents tend to suffocate teenagers when they breathe within close proximity. A physics major might explain it better, but the needs just don't match......
Saturday, June 13, 2015
Recommended Books ..,to support you on your journey with your loved one from Debbie Corso
got this in an email from Debbie Corso "As a loved one, you may have the same desire to arm yourself with knowledge so that you can make caring, compassionate, and wise decisions about how you approach your relationship with your loved one who has borderline personality disorder, BPD traits, or who is emotionally sensitive or easily dysregulated. "
If your Partner or Spouse has BPD, BPD Traits/is Emotionally Sensitive:
Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship
Borderline Personality Disorder for Dummies
If you want to read about first-hand experiences (memoirs):
The Buddha and the Borderline: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Buddhism, and Online Dating
Healing from Borderline Personality Disorder: My Journey Out of Hell Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy [debbie's book]
I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
Lost in The Mirror: An Inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder
Loud in the House of Myself
Sometimes I Act Crazy: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder
If your Partner or Spouse has BPD, BPD Traits/is Emotionally Sensitive:
Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship
Borderline Personality Disorder for Dummies
If you want to read about first-hand experiences (memoirs):
The Buddha and the Borderline: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Buddhism, and Online Dating
Healing from Borderline Personality Disorder: My Journey Out of Hell Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy [debbie's book]
I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
Lost in The Mirror: An Inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder
Loud in the House of Myself
Sometimes I Act Crazy: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Loving Someone Who Has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) by Debbie Corso
"The outward behaviors exhibited (creating drama so you won’t leave, crying hysterically, threatening to hurt one’s self) may seem and even actually be manipulative in nature, but I know when looking back on my own issues in this area and in my conversations with my students who are working hard to learn effective Interpersonal Effectiveness skills, the manipulation was not done maliciously. It was a desperate means of trying to create and secure a sense of safety in my/their world when intense, terrifying feelings would arise.
So what can you do? Loving someone who has BPD can have its challenges, but it can also have its rewards. Underneath it all, emotionally sensitive people are some of the most compassionate and empathetic people I know (as am I!), and as they continue to work on their issues and become healthier in relationships, they can make some of the best friends. What was most helpful to me from loved ones when I suffered the most was, instead of judgment, expressions of disapproval, and “tough love” (which can really trigger an emotionally sensitive person to spiral down), was an acknowledgment or validation of my suffering. Something like, “I can see how fearful it’s making you that I’m going away. I want you to know that my need to go to XYZ doesn’t mean I love you any less, or that anything is wrong with our relationship.” A hug was also very comforting at such times.
Remember that validating a loved one can work wonders and it doesn’t mean that you approve of, completely understand or believe that her or his behaviors are rational or acceptable. You are just meeting the person where she or he is, acknowledging that her or his experience is very real. It’s not that often that people with BPD or who are emotionally sensitive receive this type of understanding. In addition to validation, learning all you can about BPD and DBT, including first hand accounts from those of us who have overcome the disorder and are in recovery (no longer meeting the criteria for the diagnosis) can be very helpful and encouraging.
If you are a person with BPD or who is emotionally sensitive, can you relate to being misunderstood as being manipulative, malicious, etc.? What do you wish that loved ones knew about the pain beneath these behaviors?"
Read Debbie's entire article about Loving someone with BPD
So what can you do? Loving someone who has BPD can have its challenges, but it can also have its rewards. Underneath it all, emotionally sensitive people are some of the most compassionate and empathetic people I know (as am I!), and as they continue to work on their issues and become healthier in relationships, they can make some of the best friends. What was most helpful to me from loved ones when I suffered the most was, instead of judgment, expressions of disapproval, and “tough love” (which can really trigger an emotionally sensitive person to spiral down), was an acknowledgment or validation of my suffering. Something like, “I can see how fearful it’s making you that I’m going away. I want you to know that my need to go to XYZ doesn’t mean I love you any less, or that anything is wrong with our relationship.” A hug was also very comforting at such times.
Remember that validating a loved one can work wonders and it doesn’t mean that you approve of, completely understand or believe that her or his behaviors are rational or acceptable. You are just meeting the person where she or he is, acknowledging that her or his experience is very real. It’s not that often that people with BPD or who are emotionally sensitive receive this type of understanding. In addition to validation, learning all you can about BPD and DBT, including first hand accounts from those of us who have overcome the disorder and are in recovery (no longer meeting the criteria for the diagnosis) can be very helpful and encouraging.
If you are a person with BPD or who is emotionally sensitive, can you relate to being misunderstood as being manipulative, malicious, etc.? What do you wish that loved ones knew about the pain beneath these behaviors?"
Read Debbie's entire article about Loving someone with BPD
Thursday, June 4, 2015
Monday, May 25, 2015
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