Dealing with abrasive personalities @ Unique Training & Development

"It isn’t unusual for an abrasive person to try and turn the tables on you – claim that you are being overly sensitive and that the problem is you, not them. Don’t overly concern yourself with their initial reaction to the feedback as it is simply defensiveness. Most people get defensive when they receive corrective feedback. Instead of reacting to their defensiveness, simply repeat your perspective. Even if the initial reaction is defensive you will likely see a change in behavior – at least towards you. If it doesn’t change then you will likely need to consult with human resources or choose to live with the behavior. As with any positive behavior change, you should privately acknowledge the person’s changed behavior and approach....
Instead of vilifying these aggressive managers, perhaps the organization needs to look in the mirror to see if the overall culture is too passive. By working together, the organization can benefit from being more results-focused and the aggressive manager can shift to being more people sensitive."

See more @ Unique Training & Development

Abrasive personality disorder @ Buzzle

• "She constantly blamed others for her misery or problems."
• "The person goes on complaining about anything and everything to you. This person will keep bothering you with his/her financial woes, family troubles, relationship problems, etc. You soon find yourself being forced to turn into an Agony Aunt."
• "An abrasive individual is the biggest party pooper ever. He/she is out there to suck the life out of you. He/she is in constant need of your help, and will call you for guidance or advice for anything and everything under the sun."
• "...she would make one feel that her criticism was for their own good"
• "Such an individual is bound to challenge everything you say or want to do"
• "...people with an abrasive personality, their sole existence is based on gossips."
• "These people want to have their own way all the time."
• "These people are ambitious, but they lack the capability to achieve all their dream"

See more @ Buzzle

Abrasive personality disorder: Definition and diagnosis @ Research Gate

"This article advances a proposal for a newly identified type of personality disorder. While, like some of the other major personality disorders, the abrasive personality disorder (AbPD) shares some features with other Axis II disorders, it may however be considered as possessing sufficient idiosyncratic features as to warrant a separate classification. There are few documented discussions of this disorder within the historical confines of scientific psychology, however a good deal of attention is being focused currently in the popular press, under the rubric of “difficult people,” “control freaks,” and the like. The disorder is defined, its distinguishing characteristics delineated, with theoretical discussion provided. Some rudimentary assessment approaches are noted, with a call for research in this virgin territory."

See more @ Research Gate

What is an abrasive personality? @ Quora

"1. Passing advice without being asked for.

2. Assuming a lot of things about a person before talking to him/her.

3. Being insensitive to others' feelings.

4. Criticizing others unfairly, knowing fully that such criticism is unjustified.

5. Has a judgement on everyone and intractable rigidity.

6. Assuming false expertise in every matter out there."

See more @ Quora

The Abrasive Personality @ HBR (dot) org

"In meetings with his superiors, his questions were appropriate, his conclusions correct, and his insights important assets in examining problems. But he would antagonize his superiors by showing little patience with points and questions that to him seemed irrelevant or elementary. Unwilling to compromise, Sandstrom was an intellectual bully with little regard for those of his colleagues who could not keep up with him.

There were complaints from subordinates too. Some resented his controlling manner. Fearing his wrath, they spoke up at meetings only when they knew it to be safe. They knew he would not accept mediocrity and so they strived to attain the perfection he demanded of them. When he said they had done a good job, they knew they had earned his compliments, though many felt he did not really mean what he said."

See more @ HBR